I haven’t wrote anything for a while, mainly because I’ve been too busy, and another reason is that when I’m not running around getting to or from work, I’m taking time for myself.
I didn’t take much space for myself in the past year, I was always working hard both at uni and in my job and it left me exhausted all the time. This year I need to be a bit more selfish, and stop filling my free time trying to please everybody. Because it’s not possible and rarely will you get a thank you for going the extra mile.
Anyway- what this ‘time to myself’ has taught me, is about what my goals are. I’ve spent so much time daydreaming, journaling and reading that I’ve discovered what I actually want to do with my life. I always had goals, always felt like I had a plan, but I’ve had a pretty big epiphany that I’m meant to do this thing. Sure, it might seem silly to some but I’m taking this as a sign from the Universe that I’m on the right path.
But regardless of having this discovery, I’ve been feeling a bit meek. I’ve been comparing myself to others successes and feeling like I’m not quite going anywhere and trying to pin point a mistake I must have made somewhere down the road to be so far behind. But in all honesty, I’m not far behind, I’m just a normal university student trying to keep her head down and enjoy life while I’m still young. It’s so easy to compare yourself to others these days when the nature of existing is so competitive. We are taught from such a young age that we must be the best, we must succeed, we must break barriers. But we can’t all do that. We can all achieve our dreams, but we can’t all do it instantly, otherwise there would be nothing for us to work towards and look forward to.
So I’ve decided, instead of flicking through Instagram and making myself feel terrible compared to my successful peers, I’m going to enjoy life in the present, as it is right now. So it may mean discount coffees with student vouchers, or a relaxing bath instead of a spa day, but mostly it means putting me first for the rest of 2019 and we’ll see where it takes us.