2018 was a year that confused me entirely. It was a perfect collaboration of bad and good. Life is like a wave, and sometimes if you don’t ride it right, you can fall through. However, the past year has taught me that you are in charge of what life throws at you and you do get some control in your future, even though this might seem slight at the time.
I started the year with an average attitude. A pleasant yet un-expecting hum of what the next twelve months would bring. I didn’t feel motivated, I didn’t feel sparked up by life or opportunities, I was numb in the way I was too scared to visualise what the year would hold. Reflecting back, nothing has become more solid to me than the fact we have to hold our loved ones close. Never take a moment for granted. You could feel annoyed, distressed, even furious- but still appreciate the people around you and what they have raised you to be. I lost my dear Grandad in June, and I wish more than anything that we had more photos, that I spent more minutes with him. I was so preoccupied with University I didn’t get to see him as much towards the end, but while he was in hospital I went to see him as much as I could around work. Since he has moved off this physical realm, I have changed my attitude towards people entirely. A person comes with their own baggage, emotions and memories just like I do, whether they are close to me or not does not change how much I should respect or appreciate them- people deserve to be treated with kindness and the best intentions as long as they have proved they deserve it.
Something I have learned this year that I’m hoping will continue long into my life, let alone 2019, is that I am capable. Often, I have been a vessel of self doubt and anxiety, not taking each opportunity because I don’t feel worthy enough to try for it. That has changed, and I have landed a few more opportunities this year because I have shifted the way in which I think. I am worthy and hard working, just like everybody else. I shouldn’t be taking myself out of the race because I didn’t believe as much, like me, I’m sure, we all have our moments of ‘am I good enough for this?’. Let me tell you, it doesn’t matter. It’s not for you, or me, to decide if we are good enough for an opportunity if we hadn’t yet tried and if we don’t, we’ll never find out. I spend the first parts of 2018 obsessing over a job opportunity I desperately wanted. I thought it would be right for me, I was constantly visualising it, trying to manifest it into the present. It didn’t work out, I didn’t get it and I was honestly devastated but I got over it. I realised that there was a reason it didn’t work out for me, and as I watched a few changes take place in the institution, I realised I was being protected from making the wrong decision. I did end up in a job surrounded by beautiful people and supportive regulars. I also won Barmaid of the Year 2018, which was cute.
Trusting is important. If you are impatient with your goals you will get frustrated and anxious. If you hold trust that everything is being moved around for you to be the best you can be, you will achieve brilliant things and meet beautiful people. Life can be taxing at times and can make you feel burnt out and unimportant, but you are on the right path and good things are coming. So for 2019, my motto is ‘good things are coming’- and they always do.