I haven’t blogged for a while and unfortunately it’s because of a bereavement in my forever-close family. My Grandad passed away a week ago and my heart feels heavy, as he was a great influence on who I am today and who I will continue to be.
My life was started nineteen years ago, my Mum raised me on her own but my Grandad promised that she and I would always have everything we needed because he would make sure we did. He stayed true to his word, we never went without. Being raised for a few years in a home with your whole extended family is so warm, lively and happy, there’s always somebody there and that should be the motto of our family- nobody gets left behind. We continued to live next door to them for many years, so he was always so close to us, in perimeter and emotionally.
When I started University he would always tell me to look after myself and because I’m doing a Journalism degree he would listen to the radio or watch ITV central because he thought I was going to be on there. He was so proud, and when I came back at weekends I spent a lot of time with both him and my Gran.
He used to watch the horse racing and he always told us we were going to win, although his luck was never all there he had the positivity that at some point we were going to win. You weren’t allowed to talk while he was watching it but after he’d be the chattiest person ever as he’d tell you his little stories which mostly involved his childhood.
If my Nan walked out of the room he would always say “I don’t know what I’d do without her, she’s the best” and that kind of appreciation is the level I will only accept in my own relationships. They were together for 48 years, and through every day while he was in hospital, my nan was right beside him.
I can’t begin to comprehend how strange it feels, knowing somebody you saw pretty much every day for so many years has gone into the next life, or to heaven, or whatever exists after this life. There’s so much around you that has been influenced and shaped by that person, yet that person themselves has passed on. The devastation that you feel but the appreciation you have for them being at peace is surreal and feels uncomfortable, but grief is a time where it’s acceptable to both laugh, cry, weep and smile all at the same time.
I loved my Grandad, he was the main Male figure in my life for my lifetime and we always had a lot of jokes between each other and we are very similar in a lot of ways. He took care of his wife, his own children and then his grandchildren, and he never let anything go compromised when it came to us all.
If there is one thing this has taught me, it’s hold your loved ones close. One moment he was singing to me in the hospital telling me he was going to be coming home soon and the next he was gone. Time is precious, people are not immortal and nobody should be taken for granted.
Wherever my Grandad is, I am proud of him because until the last moments of his life, he put up a brilliant fight nobody could deny. My thoughts will be with him always.